Paradox of life

There are many paradoxes in life and we must understand them to be successful. Many of these paradoxes, I realized by the hard knocks of world. It would have been nice if I would have understood them earlier in life, like any average intelligence person I missed lot of opportunities to learn them earlier. However, I think I got some of them now and would like to share them  with you …

First paradox is our question, how can I look good? This big question is in everyone’s mind, and this is what everyone is consumed with. We are constantly thinking about ourselves, how can I look good in others eyes?  Most of things we do are driven out of this selfish motive. We buy classy clothes, expensive shoes, and big houses, posh cars and costly diamonds to look good. Unfortunately, we are trying to find the answer of a wrong question. How can there be a right answer of wrong question? If we flip the question and ask ourselves “how I can make others look good” then you will see, that your first question is automatically taken care of and it will eventually vanish. If you think about others good, then others will worry for you. If you put your energy in finding out the good in others and try to spread their good deeds, you will soon realize that others will try to do the same with you. They will make sure that you are around, they will try to protect you, defend you and you will look good automatically. In place of just you working for yourself, you will find many working with you.

Do not focus on how I can look good but focus on how I can make others look good.  

Get in the business of being  the source of strength to others, and you will never be out of business.

Now, all the above wisdom can lose its value if you will try to use it for your own selfish reasons. Do not be selfish, be authentic, be truthful, and be genuine in praising others and finding the good in them.  It reminds me the poem of Charles Bukowski  ‘The genius of crowd’, in it he says – “…beware those quick to praise …  for they need praise in return…”. Honesty is portal to all wisdom. Remember, your pretentiousness is seen from miles.  Don’t praise others, so they praise in return. Do not fake, be genuine and honest in praising others.

Some time others goodness is covered under the dust of your own prejudice, help clean that dust.

Second paradox is similar to first one. Often we want to make a good impression on someone, want to impress people with our intelligence, and show off our knowledge, and for that, often we give a speech, we try to dump all our knowledge in a hurry. Moreover, here is the paradox of life, if you want to impress someone then speak less.

Silence will help you more than words. Knowledge speaks. Wisdom listens.

Curb the desire to show people how much you know. Being silent is more tougher than speaking. You need to have self-discipline and self-awareness to be quiet. You need to be in control of yourself to be silent. When you are silent, then you may be exercising lot of restrain on your natural tendencies of offering advice, and this is real power, you need more strength to be quiet than your four hundred pound bench press.

When you are silent, the other person will be talking, and believe me he will like you for this.

You have more chance of learning when you are listening, listening give you a bigger advantage as you augment your knowledge and know the others position before you speak. Hold your silence and speak only when you think the other person is ready to listen to you, which may be rare or you may get the opportunity after a long wait.

Often it happens your ideas and thoughts falls like drop of water on a hot steel plate. Same drop of water can be a pearl if it will fall on desiring shell.

Wait for people to become receptive for your opinion; else, your words will be valued like sand particles valued in Sahara desert. Galileo spent his last day’s in house arrest and Socrates had to drink poison because they spoke to people who did not have the same context, framework or understanding like them. There is a saying – When the student is ready, master appears. This actually means that when the student is ready he will see the master; he will listen to master and understand him. Master is always there, student has to realize that he is a student.

Do not try to be a master to a student who does not consider oneself as a student.

Look for right opportunity and right time to speak. Many times people do not have context to understand your thoughts or ideas. With people who still believe in seven skies and a heaven, you have to show patience and in place of being upset and angry you should help them in gaining the different perspective, nudge them slowly and gently move them to get the right direction by asking some thought provoking questions. Best is, leave them with some stimulating questions like burning coal, if they will keep  it burning  with their own inquisitiveness and intelligence they will get the fire of wisdom which will burn the weed of ignorance in them, else do not repent, this world need few ignorant also to function with right equilibrium.

Third paradox of life is if you want to be cool, do not try to be cool. You only become cool when you really do not care about being cool. So how you don’t care? This I guess has no easy answer. You do not care about others opinions when you are confident in yourself. Once you are confident, and be yourself you become cool, for this you don’t have to put black lipstick, and pierce your face and color your hair yellow. How to increase confidence?  Go and accumulate knowledge, and in the end when you realize that you do not need all this knowledge and you toss your kindle out of window then your learning is complete. The realization of self is the seed of confidence.

Next paradox, I’ve seen is about money. If you want money, and want to be rich, then stop running after money, and focus on your work, focus on study, work on increasing the knowledge, and then you suddenly realize that the money is following you.

You get the money by not chasing it but by chasing the knowledge.  

Money plays a cruel game with you, when you chase it, it runs faster than you do, and in the end, if you catch it then you realize that you have come too far from home, and there is no one left with you to enjoy your money. However, if you do not worry about money and enjoy your work, live a day to its fullest, have the love of labor then you will see that money is following you.

One last  paradox, I am seeing lately around me, people are spending enormous amount of money to increase their kids IQ, where as in this era of globalization, flat earth, multi culture, multi ethnics working environment, your success depend upon your EQ more than your IQ. But no one spend any time or effort to increase his or her kids EQ. In fact, the pampered upbringing, life seen from tainted glass of Mercedes hurt their EQ. Don’t get me wrong, I know, IQ is important, but you cannot differentiate much only on IQ when everyone around you has a high IQ and Ivy league degree.

OK, this blog post is crossing the limit of length; I must end this post.